Stop Pouring Your Energy Into What Isn't and Focus on Who's Listening

Have you ever felt the sting of sharing your passion only to be met with blank stares or dismissive comments? In the latest episode of the Plus One Theory podcast, we delve into what happens when the people closest to us, friends, family, or colleagues, simply don't understand our goals, ambitions, or message. This disconnect, which many mistakenly interpret as rejection, is actually something far less personal: misalignment.

Misalignment occurs naturally in human relationships. Not everyone is destined to resonate with your particular frequency, and that's perfectly okay. The problem arises when we exhaust ourselves trying to convince others of our vision or seeking approval from those who simply aren't equipped to give it. This misplaced energy creates a dangerous drain on our resources, leaving us with little fuel for the journey ahead. As I shared in the episode, my experiences writing The Piney Woods and now developing the Plus One Theory book have taught me that some people just won't understand why certain messages or missions matter to me, and that realization was liberating.

The powerful shift happens when we stop focusing on what isn't working (the people who don't get it) and redirect our attention to what is: the people who are listening, showing up, and growing alongside us. These individuals form our true network, defining the lane where our purpose flourishes. I illustrated this concept through a story from my youth ministry days, where a lesson about brokenness became unexpectedly profound. After smashing a beautiful ceramic bowl and asking the youth to create something new from the fragments, one young man took a different approach. Rather than reconstructing his pieces into art, he pulverized them into dust and sealed it in a jar, a physical representation of how he felt: beyond repair, closed off, with nothing left.

This moment of raw vulnerability led to a beautiful teaching opportunity. By adding soil, apple seeds, and water to his jar of ceramic dust, I showed him that even what seems like complete destruction can become the foundation for new growth. The metaphor resonates deeply with our journeys: sometimes we don't feel like the glittery, reconstructed masterpieces others seem to create from their broken pieces. Instead, we feel reduced to dust. Yet that very dust, when combined with the right elements, supportive people, positive energy, healthy boundaries, becomes fertile ground for something entirely new and potentially more beautiful than what existed before.

The Plus One Theory embodies this gradual approach to transformation. Your "plus one" might be something as simple as reaching out instead of isolating, journaling instead of spiraling in negative thoughts, or practicing self-compassion instead of criticism. These small steps plant seeds that, with consistent nurturing, grow into life-changing habits and perspectives. Similarly, the paths that seem like detours or wasted effort often provide the very wisdom and clarity we need. As I shared about my journey to becoming a dental assistant to access dental care I couldn't otherwise afford, what might have looked like an indirect route was actually the perfect solution for my specific circumstances.

Every day presents us with choices about where to direct our limited energy. Instead of depleting it by chasing approval or trying to fix what isn't ours to repair, the Plus One Theory encourages redirecting that precious resource toward purposeful action, responding to rejection with curiosity rather than defensiveness, and establishing healthy boundaries rooted in self-respect. This isn't about working harder, it's about living smarter through intentional choices infused with kindness and grace. Remember, not everyone will understand your journey, but your people, those walking similar paths and facing similar challenges, are out there. Focus on connecting with them, and you'll find the support and understanding you've been seeking all along.

Listen to Episode 19 now!